


Rising of the Heart

by Nanadb



Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Adventure, Drama, Eventual Smut, F/M, Family, Love, Romance, Self-Discovery, Teenagers, frienship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-16 06:14:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29696268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nanadb/pseuds/Nanadb
Summary: Renesmee Cullen is one of the few half vampire hybrids out there. She has always felt different from the rest of her loving vampire family and her werewolf best friend, Jacob Black, for whom she is starting to feel differently.Little does she know that in exploring these newfound feelings, she will dicover truths that have been hidden from her.All of this while new and old forces threatens to separate her from those she cares about the most.
Relationships: Jacob Black/Renesmee Cullen, Renesmee Cullen/Other(s)
Kudos: 4





	1. Prologue

PROLOGUE  
"Time is to slow for those who wait, to swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity"

\- Henry Van Dyke.

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I didn't think this would really happen. It seemed impossible at the time, a far away dream. Despite what people around me repeatedly told me, despite what I saw, and what I knew to be true, I never really expected this day would arrive. And although the thought had crossed my mind sporadically, I never really dared to dream for it to happen to me.

But it did happen.

And now I had what felt like my whole world in my arm. Because this living being whas the center of my existance. And she was right here where I could touch her, where I could hold her, where I could protect her, where I could love her, and make her happy.

Of course, if there is one thing that I've come to learn in life, is that all things, good or bad, must come to an end. Everything was ephemeral.

And this, was no exception.


	2. Chapter 01

CHAPTER 1  
Jacob

Well, hello there… I do think we have met before, haven't we? If you are reading this, it's very likely that you've heard stories about me in the past.

But don't worry, I am not here to retell what you already know. Actually, I am here to share with you, things that most definitely you have not heard of.

And yes, you will see some of the people you are familiar with. Yes, we will briefly go over the things you know. But I assure you that you will also get to know new people who you will love… or hate, but that is up to you. And you will finally know what happened after those event where you left off.

So let's start by recapping on what you do know so far, this time with my twist on things.

You may remember that some time ago, the daughter of one of my dad's friends moved back to our rainy town of Forks, Washington. Her name? Isabella Sawn, although you probably recall her better as Bella Swan, or Bells as was my nickname for her.

The moment we reconnected after she moved back, I was totally in-crush with her. But of course, instead of looking silly old me, she started dating a very weird, very rich, and very stenching guy. His name should also be familiar to you, Edward Cullen. They were serious from what I heard, but then for some reason that I didn't find out until much later, he and his family left town, which crushed Bella.

She spent months in a hard core depression, and it wasn't until she and I stared to hang out almost every day that she started to go back to a resemblance of that she used to be. During that time, my feelings for her intensified, and my crush for her transformed into love… or at least into what I then thought was love, and which pales in comparison to what I now feel for… Anyway, we'll get to this part in a moment.

Moving on… at this point my best friend was starting to be herself again when circumstances made me turn my back on her for a while.

You see, up to this moment I haven't mentioned a very important fact about myself. Then again, if you've heard stories about me, you most likely know that I am a werewolf. Yes, you got that right. A werewolf. Although, technically, the correct term should be shape-shifter, but then again, I guess we'll learn the difference later on.

It was at that time in my life when I discovered that the legends of my tribe, were not merely legends, but reality. Werewolves existed in real life, and I had become one of them, our Quileute legacy of protecting our people against our enemies had reached me. And by enemy I meant Vampires. Yes, they did exist as well.

As a matter of fact, the presence of vampires in the vicinity, was actually what triggered my transformation and later on that of many other brothers and sisters of the tribe.

As it turns out, the vampires that were close by during that period were no other that The Cullens, including Edward. As a matter of fact, they had previously lived in Forks around 1930's and as a result of the Quileute Pack of the time realizing that the Cullens did not drink human blood, they had agreed to establish a treaty, the Pack's Alpha at the time was Ephraim Black, my great-grandfather.

The treaty prohibited them to enter our reservation in La Push, and to ever bite a human being. While on our end, it bounded us to never reveal the existence of vampires or werewolves, and to not cross into Cullen land. A few years later, they left the town and the transformations of werewolves started to diminish to the point of not being any left in the reservation. Until the Cullens returned to Forks that is.

A new generation of tribe protectors started to emerge. The first one to have his genes triggered was Sam Uley, who then became the alpha of the only pack until… some time later. After him there were others to follow, Jared Cameron, Paul Lahote, Embry Call, and then little old me, although I was not the last one. Not by a long shot.

How did all of this relate to Bella you may ask?

Well, as I mentioned, part of the treaty, was that nobody from the Quileute tribe was allowed to speak about the existence of neither werewolves or vampires, or the Cullens being vampires for that matter.

But of course, I didn't have to worry about that for long. Bella had always been a very smart person, and she was able to figure it out on her own. Albeit, she had already know about vampires, and Edward being one of them, so discovering that I was a werewolf wasn't that hard on her, and as she knew everything, there had not been a reason for me to stay away from her. which was a relief to be honest.

Until they came back. Again. A by them I mean the Cullens, specifically, Edward.

For Bella, it was as if he had never had left. She took him back as if he had done no wrong. Which enraged me at the time, because it left me along with my feelings for her and having to see her with that leech, as I used to think of him.

After that, it was a matter of saving Bella from all the dangers that being with a vampire entailed. The job description went from serving as a heat blanket in a blizzard, to fighting an army of newborn vampires and their creator, who turned out to be the mate of another vampire who was killed for previously wanting to kill Bella. Tiring, I know.

And I guess that Bella also got tired of being saved time and time again, because she decided that she wanted to become one of them ridiculous, maybe not as smart as I thought. I stuck with her in hopes of changing her mind about turning into the creature that I hated the most. But not even our friendship had could have made her change her mind. It was only when she agreed to marry Edward before turning, that I ran away, my heart shattered.

When I heard the news that she had returned from her honey moon but was sick, I thought I knew what it meant: she had been transformed and the Cullens had broken the treaty by biting a human, which gave me the chance to kill the creature that had killed the person I loved.

Edward.

So I set out to do just that. What I encountered upon arriving the Cullens house, though, was something entirely different.

Somehow, after only a very short honey moon, Bella had come back very much pregnant. From a vampire. From a monster. She was carrying a monster-baby inside. And Bella being the monster-loving person that she was, was refusing to get rid of it.

This made me run again, but I was not running away, this time I was running towards the only solution I saw to the problem in hand. I ran to my pack and relayed what I saw. Sam's solution? Get rid of the thing growing inside Bella. The only issue? They wanted to do immediately, they wanted to kill it while it was still inside her, which would have killed her in turn.

I could not allow it.

Normally, no member of the pack would have been able to challenge an alpha, yet I was not ordinary member. I was the direct descendant of the last alpha, which meant that technically, when I first shifted, the leadership of the pack had belonged to me, I just hadn't wanted to take it. But at that moment, when the whole pack was bound to follow Sam's orders to kill Bella… Yes, I remember feeling the change in me. I remember how the weight of our legends, and history descended over me and transformed into power as I stood up to Sam Uley. I felt the snap of our connection break as I became the Alpha of my one-man pack.

With my alliance to Sam's pack severed, I returned to the Cullens to warn them, not realizing that I had been followed by Seth Clearwater who had always had an affinity toward the Cullens after fighting side by side with Edward during the confrontation with the newborn army.

Later on, his sister, Leah, followed as well. Mainly to protect his little brother, but also to get away from Sam with whom she had a romantic past. In their decision to follow me, their connection to Sam and his pack had been broken as well, instead changing to me. And that was the start of the Black Pack.

I made sure to warn the Cullens, which made Sam and his pack halt on their attack, yet it was clear that their intentions did not change. Leah, Seth and myself, set out to guard the premises, albeit, Leah more reluctantly.

As Bella's pregnancy advanced, it became painfully clear that, that the monster inside her had been killing her, and I knew that everything would come to an end in a short time and I would be able to kill the beast growing as Bella disappeared in front of my eyes.

For some inexplicable reason, which I realized not much later, there was no way I could stay away from Bella. It had become physically painful to distance myself from her and the situation, even though it was torture for me to watch her fading away every day a bit more by her own choice, and being happy about her decision.

Then the time came when and emergency labor had to be done. It had been gruesome. So much blood. So many horrible, screeching noises. But at the moment the only sound I had cared about was Bella's heart, and after the horrendous beast had ripped its way out of Bella, that sound had stopped.

Isabella Swan had died.

There was only one thing left for me to do then. Kill Bella's killer. I had been determined to destroy the monster that had made it way out of Bella's body. I had made my way to where the blond Cullen, Rosalie, was holding the monster as if it were and actual baby. How delusional could she be?

And then everything changed. Nothing in Earth was ever the same after the instant when those eyes met mine.

I remember feeling weightless, every single thing tethering me to the ground had found a new center.

That was the moment when I knew that I had been dead wrong, about it all. What Bella had been carrying inside of her wasn't a monster, or a beast. It was the complete opposite. It was the sun. It was everything.

She was and would forever be my center, and the reason of my existence.

Seeing into her tiny brown eyes for the first time, not unlike her Mother's eyes, I knew without room for any doubt, that I would be whatever this incredible and miraculous creature wanted me to be. I would lay my life to protect her from any harm. I would strive to make her smile and be happy.

In that instant, which appeared to be timeless, I understood the reason of my attachment to Bella, my incapability to stay away from her. I comprehended that I had never really been in love with her, not in the way that was heart-crushing.

It had been her all along. My Renesmee. My Nessie. My tiny half vampire - half human. Even before being born the connection had existed and now it was undeniable and most certainly unbreakable. And I recognized it immediately.

I had just imprinted.

From that point on everything changed for me.

First of all, it had been possible to stop the attack from Sam's pack, since they would not dare to harm the subject of another's wolf imprinting. We were also able to settle our differences and agree to co-exist as Alphas.

On the other hand, although Bella had technically died, it had been because she was transformed into a vampire, which actually suited her, and yes that comment did come from me, believe it or not.

That was another thing that changed for me in little time. After Nessie's birth I spent a lot of time in the Cullen house, which allowed me to witness the dynamics of its inhabitants. An I was surprised more than anyone to discover that they were… normal. They did things people usually do, sure, they probably were able to do it better, and faster. But then again, since I shifted, I was faster too, and my senses were also enhanced. Yeah, they had to feed on blood which was not my cup of tea even if it was animal blood, but it wasn't as if they could help it, instead, they continuously struggled with their own instincts to do the right thing with the hand that was handled to them. Some of them I even came to respect and care for, you just couldn't help to feel that way towards Carlisle integrity and Esme's loving behavior.

I simply could not think of the Cullens as monsters anymore.

And don't get me wrong, I still thought other vampires, those who drank human blood, were leeches. And sadly I had the opportunity to prove it sometime afterwards.

Which brings me to the events that followed where we had to gather a large group of vampires to testify in front of another large group of vampire, these last the mean kind of vampires A.K.A. The Volturi. The testimony was in reference to my Nessie.

Remember when I told you about how short Bella's pregnancy took to be full term? Well that was due to the accelerated growth Nessie had, which carried after birth as well. This mean that only being a few months old, Nessie looked as if she was la four or five years old. And one of the Cullens friends from Denali, had come to visit and before approaching, had taken a glimpse at Nessie, and erroneously though she was a baby vamp, who according to legends, had been vicious and uncontrollable little leeches. The mean vampires, who by the way for some reason served as the law in the vampiric world, had prohibited the creation of such creatures, and apparently it had been so ingrained in the minds of all fangers, that this Denali chick was willing to turn in friends for the supposed crime.

The nosferatu law enforcement eventually came to town. Which was unnecessary for at the end, since even the uncertainty of Nessie's accelerated growth had been settled when one of the witness turned out to be another hybrid who had reached full maturity some years after he was born more than a hundred years ago… talk about old.

And that is practically what you know so far right?

The road up to that point wasn't all sunshine and rainbows, in fact, it was very tumultuous. But eventually, things gained a semblance of normality, or at least to our standards.

After the Italian blood suckers so graciously decided that no harm had been done, both packs went a long time without feeling completely relaxed in our surroundings. Even though there was no immediate threat, we didn't feel like we could really cut down our duties as protectors, there was always the lingering doubt of whether they would be back. Both packs' commitment to the protection of our tribe was implicitly stated, and for obvious reasons, mine also felt bound to add the Cullen's to that list of people to protect.

Embry and Quil joined my pack after a while. Yeah, my pack. I had eventually come to terms with the fact that I was an Alpha, and I had these people in my responsibility, yet its growing number made me continuously anxious.

Despite that, all quarrels with Sam had been dispelled, and it felt good to be able to tone again treat them as the family they were. A small piece of our lives was back in place, where it should had always stayed. Yet there was a part of me, and I could see it in each mind of my pack as we phased, that felt the need to make the distinction of them and us. It felt unpleasant at the beginning, but I got over the sensation and did not let it bother me most of the time.

Sam and Emily Young, his imprint, decided it was time to start their own family and got married four years ago, and now they were about to have their second child. The first one was a beautiful three-year-old little girl named Lila, she was full of life and had us all wrapped in her tiny fingers from the moment she opened her tiny little eyes.

In the back of everyone's mind, there was worry about what the future might hold for her. Until Lila was born, no one on either pack or among the Tribe Council of Elders had given much thought to Leah's transformation after the initial shock that a woman had gone through the transition. But Emily was Seth and Leah's cousin, which made Lila a descendant from both the Clearwater and the Uley bloodline, which in turn meant that her probabilities being the next wolf-woman were high. Leah seemed to be the most worried of us after Sam and Emily, after all, if there was someone who understood the burned of being a she-wolf, it was her. And she didn't want the same fate for the girl she loved as a niece.

And I could understand the worry.

After Nessie's birth we had also been worried for her accelerated grow rate and what it meant. Of course in our case those worries had been cleared out thankfully, but it still meant that she would go through the initial stages in life so fast. I came to the conclusion that I didn't want to miss anything during that time, so in order to do that, I took some time out of school to be part of her growth at every opportunity I got - which was most of the time.

And then came the time when she started studying, which was early on. For obvious reasons, she didn't go to school - and though she understood why she couldn’t, she really wanted to - instead, she learned everything she needed to and more from… well, basically from everyone.

Imagine the amount of information coming from eight freakily knowledgeable vampires can be absorbed in the spam of 4 years by a person with an exceptionally gifted mind. Well multiply that by ten plus what she saw, learned and experienced on her own, and that's about the education Nessie received in her first four years of live.

A hell lot of knowledge if you ask me.

If you compared that with my kind of mediocre junior year of high school level of education… well, it's kind of embarrassing, isn't it?

My intention is not to make a competition out of this, it's just that… and this will sound corny as hell, but I don't care. I just want to do right by her. And deep down I knew that she would never care whether two plus two is four - which I do know by the way, thank you very much - but damn it if I was going to be in her life and not be deserving of it. And it wasn't like a diploma or a degree made me deserving or better than what I already was, but if knowing more things gave me the change to have more in common with her, then I would gladly do it. Like I said, corny, but I couldn't help it.

That is why after four years of taking some time off, I went back to school, and ended up graduating the same year than Seth. Who, after receiving a full ride scholarship in the University of Washington, was now living in Seattle. He tried to come homeat least every two weeks to check with the pack, even though I repeatedly told him there was no need, between Leah, Embry, Quil and myself could handle it just fine considering everything had been quiet for years. I really wished Seth would only focus on his studies since he had gotten that far, but he claimed he also had to check up on his mom, Sue.

Sue Clearwater was now Living with Charlie Sawn, Nessie's grandfather. And they got married about a year ago after dating for a long time. Although you would catch Charlie dead before he admitted they had been dating way back when, if you asked him, they were "Just two adult friends spending some adult friendly time together. And there was nothing wrong with that now was there?" Of course, given that those two adults friends got married, I'd call the adult friendly time dating. The wedding took place at Sue's house - or should I said at Leah's now - it was a simple and small gathering of family and closest friends to celebrate the union.

It had been one of those few exceptions which could be counted with one hand in which the Cullens had been granted access to the reservation. The precedent ways had been awkward and tense between the Uley and the Black packs, mainly because Sam was "not entirely comfortable exposing the tribe to those creatures" his words, not mine. I hated to use the upper hand I knew I had of being the primary Alpha, especially to tip the balance in my favor, but those creatures as he called them were part of my family now. Bella was Charlie's daughter and Nessie his granddaughter. They had as much right to be there as anyone, and in Nessie's case even more than some given that I was technically, and much to my dismay, The Chief of the tribe and she my imprint.

At the end, it had been worth it. Nessie had looked beautiful in her summer bridesmaid dress; at the time she looked about twelve or thirteen years old, and someone had done her hair so that her natural waves were turned into ringlets that bounced every time she moved or danced. And Bells had looked so happy to see her father having someone to love and share his life with.

For my two girls it had been totally worth it.

The next fall, I started college. I simply couldn’t stay away from Nessie for long, so I chose stay close. A community college was good for me, which is why I was halfway through my higher technical diploma in mechanical engineering in Port Angeles Tech College. It was enough – for the time being at least. I knew Nessie will want to go to college in the future – she had already practically demanded to go to high school, actually – and when the time came, I'd follow her.

Yeah, well… she didn't demand to go to school, really. There was a lot of begging involved though. And since her grow rate had diminished significantly by the time, after hitting a scary growth spurt – no seriously that period was worrying as hell – and since her parents couldn't seem to say no to her, Edward and Bella agreed, reluctantly I may add, that she would begin school as a freshman the same fall I started college. Of course, the agreement didn't go without a long and extensive conversation about alibies and acceptable behavior.

She was starting her junior year of high school now and, as was expected – at least as I expected – she did great academically. Her grades were some of the best and I knew she'd be at the very top of the class – hell, even the school – if it wasn't for the fact that attracting much attention to her wasn't within the acceptable behaviors of the agreement. And the grades she could get if she used her full potential… Yeah, that would attract unnecessary attention, I'd say.

Socially… that was another story. She had friends, yeah. It was impossible for her not to have friends with the natural magnetism and personality. But she felt awful for not being able to be completely honest with them and for plainly lying to them sometimes. I knew this because she had talked to me about it and I understood how she felt because I remembered a time in which Bella didn't know about me being a werewolf and how awful it was for both.

On the other hand, I had other worries when she first started to go to school. It was because of the attention she was going to receive. Mainly the… male attention she attracted to herself.

Remember when I mentioned her growth spurt? Well, let's just say she grew things guys noticed. I wasn't jealous; at least I didn't think I was, not then. It's just that I was very protective of her. I knew how high school guys thought. I knew what they thought about. And I knew some wouldn't care what they had to do to get what they wanted.

Of course I shouldn't have worried. Because I knew Nessie could take care of herself when it came to a bunch of hormonal teenagers and apart from that, she very fast became the hot girl that guys knew was off limits. How, you might ask? Well a rumor soon spread that she was dating a guy since her sophomore year in her other school, and he had even transferred close by just to be with her. I think Alice had something to do with spreading the rumor, though I don't even know how she did it.

Any guess who the guy might have been? Yup, you guessed right.

Little old me.

Not that it was true, but neither of us cared to uncover the lie and in her words she didn’t want to be “Harassed by a bunch of hormonal crazed teenagers” I hoped that meant she still thought boys had cooties. The fact that I more often than not picked her up after classes and she didn’t restrict her affectionate displays… yeah I guess it was a pretty good cover. The only ones at school that knew the truth – about us not really dating – were her closest friends and they somehow knew to keep quiet.

Again with the corny mode on and me not caring… I think what I liked to do the most was spending time with Nessie; be it her doing her homework and me studying, running, watching movies, hunting, cliff diving, working on a car, watching her practice a new task, hell even shopping when she wanted to… Anything, everything, nothing. I didn’t mind. I just didn’t care. All I wanted was to be with her. Talk to her, hold her, please her. Just… make her happy. And not to sound pretentious, but she was happy when she was with me, I saw it in her eyes, and I knew it instinctively. It was as if I could sense her happiness inside me. So I just tried to spend the most time possible with her however it was spent.

She simply changed my life for the better. And not just mine. I might be a little – ok fine, very biased – but everyone seemed happier around her, it’s as if she had an aura of happiness and joy around her and when people came near her, they became affected by it. Hell, even Blondie and I seemed to have mellowed somewhat toward each other. Things that I never thought would happen have actually happened. I came to consider the Cullens as part of my family; like I said, never thought it would happen. Who would have though, huh? Me calling a bunch of vampires, family… And it was all because of her.

And speaking of said family…The dynamic there changed as well over the last few years.

As me, all of the Cullens wanted to be there to see Nessie as she grew but as the time passed we knew it was dangerous for them to stay for long – something that weighted heavily in my mind – and at the same time, they wanted to offer Renesmee as much stability as someone as exceptional as her could have.

So after days and days of deliberation and hot-headed discussions, it was decided that Edward, Bella and Renesmee would stay in permanent residency here in Forks until it was really time to move on – something I dreaded all the time. A little after Nessie started at school, Carlisle and Esme moved to Seattle where Carlisle could work in a hospital where he was not known, and Esme was take new interior design projects there. In Seattle they had fewer risk of being noticed given the city size and population. They’d visited more often than not and sometimes we’d go over and spend a weekend or so with them.

Once Nessie was well established in her new school, Emmett, Rosalie, Alice and Jasper decided to spend some time traveling God knows where – I bet between the four of them, they knew at least half the countries in the world. What I did know for a fact was that Nessie missed all of them like crazy, but she understood that sometimes you just can’t have all you wish for. And it’s not as if she didn’t see them from time to time, just not as often as she was used to. They all came home last Christmas and she’d even gone on a few short trips with them around the country.

She always came home awed with whatever she saw and would spend hours and hours telling us and showing us in that special way of hers the wonders she discovered in the world outside Forks. Afterwards, she would draw me aside, hug me so hard that if I wasn’t a supernatural being, she would kill me and then she would tell me she missed me the most. I won’t lie and tell that it didn’t make me the happiest son of a bitch in the world whenever she did that. It was just another proof that she needed me as much as I needed her and she hated to be away from me as much as I hated to stay away from her.

This fact, apparently, seemed to bother Edward and Bella a bit. They didn’t begrudge Nessie and me our time together or anything alike. Though at first Bella was reluctant to my imprinting on Nessie, she has come to accept that it was something that couldn’t and would not change, and trying to keep me away from Nessie was just going to make the both of us miserable. Our unhappiness was obviously something Bella didn’t want.

Edward… well he was a different story. It was harder for me to know what was in his mind, despite him knowing exactly what was in mine. Our relationship had definitely changed a lot, that’s for sure. The hostility and rivalry that used to be there did not exist anymore; I’d even dare to say that I’ve come to trust him in many things. But I definitely wasn’t calling him “Dad,” as I joked once.

All in all, I think it was his ability to see into my mind that had kept him from opposing to my being near Nessie, or at least, to spend so much time with her. He knew, for sure, that all I wanted for Nessie was for her to be happy and safe. He knew her presence in my life and mine in hers was a necessity we both had. He knew that despite me imprinting on her and what that usually entailed, she was, first of all, my best friend and I hers. Someone I could trust implicitly, someone I cared about and loved. I could not see her as any more than that.

And until very recently, that was exactly what I thought.


	3. Chapter 02

_Previously…_

_All in all, I think it was his [Edward] ability to see into my mind that had kept him from opposing to my being near Nessie, or at least, to spend so much time with her. He knew, for sure, that all I wanted for Nessie was for her to be happy and safe. He knew her presence in my life and mine in hers was a necessity we both had. He knew that despite me imprinting on her and what that usually entailed, she was, first of all, my best friend and I hers. Someone I could trust implicitly, someone I cared about and loved. I could not see her as any more than that._

_And until very recently, that was exactly what I thought._

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**Jacob**

I got out of the car breathing in the chill afternoon air. Looking around I saw I was a little earlier than usual. But then again, that’s for the best. It gave me much needed time to clear my head.

I leaned against the car door and looked up to the sun rays bathing my face and I basked in it. There weren’t many sunny days in Forks, and those of us who could freely go out in the sunlight had to take advantage of them.

Maybe you can go to the beach. After all, you were thinking of…

I pushed off the car and rubbed my face while I paced around. God damn it. This was definitely not the moment or the place to think of that. But of course, as always my mind seemed to have its own free will and acted of its own.

The images came barreling into my head one more time and I knew there was no stopping them now.

The wind blowing makes the treetops move like green waves instead of the blue ones in the sea, crashing against the rocks and each other. The feel of the sun in my skin and rocks beneath my bare feet, the smell of the ocean and pine trees. The sound of seagulls flying in the sky and laughter in the distance… Laughter I know better that my own.

“Come and get me, Jake,” she says, running ahead of me, waiting for me to catch her.

My feet move above the stony floor, not feeling the sharp points of rocks in my soles. Not feeling the wind, the smells or the sounds around me. Not feeling anything that doesn’t involve the magnificent creature ahead of me. Whose hand I just grabbed.

She squeals as my arms snake around her waist and I hoist her up in the air, her kicking and squirming throwing me off balance and propelling me to the floor, bringing her with me. Her movements are swift as ever as she turns around, still on top of me.

“That was not fair, I told you to catch me! Not to throw me on the floor!” she pouts, but I can still see the smile in her eyes.

Her eyes. So beautiful, so bright and profound, older and wiser than her years. Why haven’t I noticed it before? Why haven’t I noticed the contrast between the golden flecks and the chocolate brown? Or how they change to dark amber when the sun reflected on them? Why haven’t I noticed that despite what people say, she possesses wisdom beyond her age? How many things about my Nessie haven’t I noticed before?

“Why are you looking at me like that?” She tilts her head to the side making a strand of hair fall framing her face like the most beautiful picture on Earth.

I reach out to push the strand behind her ear and my hand stays right there, cupping her right cheek. “Like what?” I ask.

“As if you wanted to…” she swallows, “…kiss me,” she finishes. Her question startles me, but at the same time makes realize something, makes me realize that…

“Maybe I do,” I say, my voice sounding rougher than it should.

Her eyes widen momentarily, but then she looks down, bites her lip and looks up at me again. She then leans her head toward me and as the softest whisper of her lips touches mine, she is pulled away from me.

It's as if a black hole was sucking her into its darkness, all the while her arms are stretched out, and she screams at me, begs me to help her. I ran towards her, once again my feed no feeling the sharp stones breaking into my soles. My heart pounds as our fingertips almost touch, but no matter how much I ran, I am not able to reach her and she is consumed by the shadows.

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I leaned once again on the car door and stuffed my hands in my pockets of my jeans. The pacing didn’t do anything to shake the feelings that the images left in me, of course. It just left me restless and anxious.

God, I hated when it happened. It was always the same. Different scenarios, different actions, but the feelings, God… the feelings and sensations where always the same.

Nessie in my arms, me realizing that the girl in front of me is much more than I thought she was, much more that I know she is. A silver of happiness as our lips touch and then…

Gone. Vanished into gloomy darkness.

Thankfully I didn’t have the power to see the future as Alice did.

By the time I was fully aware of my surroundings, I realized that students were rapidly filling the parking lot, which meant that Nessie was close by. Sure enough, a few more minutes and I saw her walking out of the school building with Justin Johnson, one of her friends at school. He was a funny guy, I liked him. Specially because there was no way he would ever lay eyes in Nessie since she was missing male parts.

She talked to him for a few minutes after that she made her way towards me. As she walked, I could see an amused smile in her face.

“What are you laughing at? What’s so funny?” I asked when she reached me.

“You are, silly” she said, reaching out to wrap her arms around my neck and kiss me in the cheek. My hands automatically went to her waist and I held her against me in a hug.

Suddenly, I was enveloped in the feel of her skin, the smell of her hair, the beating of her heart, it all smashed together with the sensations in beginning of my vision and it became a little too much for me to bear right now. I gently pushed her back, still holding her by her upper arms.

She looked up at me, a tiny frown on her face, and pressed her right hand to my neck. The place where her hand made contact with my skin tingled a bit. For onlookers, the gesture could be passed as a regular, loving gesture. And it was for us. But it also had a purpose besides the gesture itself.

All at once, my vision of the parking lot disappeared and I was looking at the same parking lot, but from another perspective. Up ahead, I saw myself leaning against the car, my hands in my pockets. My face, as Nessie was showing me, was a mix of awe and confusion.

The illusion disappeared as suddenly as it had appeared. I didn’t react any differently than if she was speaking out loud, it was a common occurrence for her to communicate this way. Especially with me, despite the fact that, as she grew, she began to talk more than she did when she was little, she sometimes preferred to communicate with me through her power, that way no one would know all that we talked. Except for Edward, of course.

“Well, I’m glad I amuse you,” I said, trying to dissipate my distress.

“Oh, don’t be so sour. You just looked, I don’t know… spellbound, distracted. A look I’ve seen in you very much lately.” She frowned a little at that.

“Huh…” was that really my brilliant response?

Spellbound. I guess that was a pretty good description of how I looked just moments ago, according with what she just showed me. Instead of saying anything more, I just leaned in and kissed her in the temple. Then I turned around and opened the car door for her to get in. She waited three full seconds, let out a tiny sigh and got inside the car.

After we got out of the parking lot she turned to me in her seat.

“So, Conner’s parents are going to Seattle soon,” she said slowly.

“Are they now?” I asked casually, already having an idea where this was going.

“Yeah, they’re going to a concert or the theater, I don’t know, something like that.” Forks wasn’t widely known for its variety in social activities – in fact, I don’t think it was widely known at all, period – so for those in search of filling their calendars with different social events, said search sometimes had to be extended beyond the limits of this cloudy town.

“Well, good for them. Keeping the flame alive and all that,” I looked in her direction and saw her smile and then roll her eyes a little.

“Dumbass,” she muttered under her breath, knowing I could hear her just perfectly. I just smirked at her. “Anyway, obviously Conner is going to take advantage of it and is throwing a party,” she paused, “Come with me?”

Did I ever. A part of me wanted to answer. Just hearing her say those words… Jesus. I frowned at that part and squished it hard in the most profound pits of my mind. God only knew what Edward would do if he ever heard something like that floating around my head.

I cleared my throat.

“Go where?” I asked instead.

“To the party, dummy,” cue for another eye roll.

“Sure, what do I got to do?” I asked. She stayed quiet for a moment, “Ness?” I prompted.

“What? Oh, right. Nothing. You don’t have to do nothing, I’m just asking you to come with me,” I deliberately ignored those last three words again. Instead, I turned my head just enough to look at her. “What?” I cocked an eyebrow, “Okay, fine. You are in liquor duty,” she let out and exasperated sigh.

“And there you have it,” I laughed.

“Oh, shut up. Besides it was Justin who put you up to it,” she punched me in the arm, making me laugh some more. I grabbed her hand in mine and brought it to my lips, kissing it.

“Fine, but if Charlie gets called in, is your duty to mellow him. And you better be good at it.”

I knew most of the kids that went to school with Nessie; they were in its majority well behaved, even in parties. They were just that, kids. And I knew there probably wasn’t going to be any need to call in the cops, but Charlie was still the sheriff. And if for any reason he knew I was providing liquor to a bunch of teenagers that, not only were minors, but his granddaughter’s classmates… well, let’s just say that’d make for an awkward meeting if he were indeed called in. I really wanted to avoid that.

“Please, Charlie will be on the palm of my hand,” she agreed and didn’t let go of my hand.

Here’s a thing you ought to know about Nessie and I. We knew each other like the palm of our own hands. That knowledge of each other allowed us to somewhat, sense each other moods. We could tell when the other was happy, excited, sad, angry, mad, nostalgic… you name it. It was nothing like what Jasper could do, it was merely based in understanding the other person so well, sometimes even better than ourselves. And yes, we might not always know the cause behind those feelings, behind those moods, but we always knew they were there.

It was for that reason that when, after a while, she broke the silence and said my name; something in the back of my mind went on high alert.

“Jake,” Nessie said softly.

There was something in her tone that made me look at her. She was worrying her lower lip, looking down at our intertwined hands on her lap. Her heartbeat was always somewhat faster than the average human, but in that moment… Jesus, it was fast. And her free hand was fidgeting.

She didn’t fidget. Her usual response to stress was a statue-like immobility – like all vampires, but she was also human. The question was, why would she feel stressed?

She was… nervous, I realized. I frowned at that. She didn’t get nervous around me. There has never been a reason for her to be.

“Yeah?” I said cautiously, I had a feeling I had to be careful with where this was headed to.

“Are you – I mean, do you ever –?” she let go of my hand and brought hers up to cover her face, letting out an angry, frustrated sound, “Argh!”

“Ness?” I turned to her, only to see her discreetly wipe her eyes with the heel of her hand. Was she crying? “Nessie?” I asked again and I heard the worry in my voice, no way to disguise it.

I swiftly pulled over the side of the road when she just shook her head. We were near the turn that led to the path to the Cullen mansion, which meant that there weren’t many cars around, it was a solitary road. Not that I would have cared if there had been any passerby anyway. In that moment my number one priority was seated next to me.

Crying.

“Nessie?” I asked again, she didn’t answer. “Ness, what is it, baby? Come on, talk to me,” I hugged her to me and that seemed to make it worst. She suddenly started sobbing and it was as if the floodgates had been opened. I tried to cup her face for her to look up at me, but she just kept it buried in my chest, her arms circling my waist and her hands clutching my shirt. She was stronger than your average human, of course, but not as strong as a full vampire. I knew that if I wanted, I could force her to look at me.

I didn’t.

Instead, I held her to me as if my life depended on it, and it kind of did, my life would always depend on her happiness, but god damn it hurt. Seeing her like this, so fragile and heartbroken, it freaking hurt my guts. I could count with one hand the number of times I’ve seen her in a state similar to this. And I couldn’t even tell what was worst, just the fact of seeing her crying her heart out or not even knowing the reason why she was doing it in the first place.

She and I had, somehow, always been synchronized. It’s been like that since day one. Just as with sensing each other moods, most of the times, I could anticipate some of her needs as she could mine. At first I thought it had to do with imprinting, but as I talked with the other imprinted couples in both packs, it became obvious that what Nessie and I shared was something different, something more.

So as I tried to find possible motives behind this outburst, it became obvious that if I was feeling these… changes, this shift in our dynamic, it was plausible that she could be feeling something similar, too.

I knew that our situation was entirely unique; for starters, she didn’t have a clue about what imprinting was. Edward, Bella and I all agreed that regardless of the future all we wanted was for Renesmee to be happy and sometimes, a tiny piece of happiness is just in the liberty of making your own choices. I wanted that for Nessie, I wanted her to make her own choices, including that about how we, she and I, would play out, without having the stigma of some magical werewolf occurrence to influence her.

Then, there was a personal issue of mine, one I hadn’t entirely shared with her. Despite Nessie’s appearance, her attitude, her way of thinking, despite all the things about her that screamed that she was becoming into a mature young woman; in the back of my mind there was the tiny reminder that I could count her real age with both hands and still have fingers left free. I don’t know how many times I’ve had to fight with myself lately when a flash of self – disgust went through my head. And like I said, I knew, I really did know that our situation was unique, I knew that the conventional stipulations didn’t really apply for us; but society had a way of sinking it paradigms as if they were teeth.

Slowly, as my hands traced soothing patterns on Nessie’s back and hair, her sobs became sniffs and her tears came sporadically. Her body relaxed a little in my arms, but her hands still clutched me at my back.

I brought my hands up to her face and lifted it a bit so I could look at her. She didn’t resist, but her eyes were closed, refusing to look at me. I tucked a strand of hair behind her ear – just as in my dream – and my thumbs softly wiped the wet path in her cheeks that her tears had left behind.

Then I just looked at her.

God, even after crying she was beautiful. In fact, and as horrible as it might sound, crying made her even more beautiful. Her eyelashes were thicker from being wet and they contrasted with the pink in her cheeks just as the few freckles in her nose did with her pale skin, her lips were red and puffy, showing the sings of worrying teeth.

She looked so innocent and pure in that moment. And that scared the crap out of me, because all I wanted to do, all that my mind and my body and even my heart were screaming at me to do was ignore all this bullshit, forget her age, forget about society and its perceptions, forget who her parents were, forget that her mother was my best friend or that I had a past with her; just fucking forget anything that didn’t include Nessie and me and this moment, right here and now, and just kiss the hell out of her.

Holy fuck, I just wanted to kiss her.

“Ness,” my voice was rough and I noticed that my breathing was elaborated.

“I’m okay. I just – I’m okay,” her voice was just a whisper, but I heard it just fine, we were so close.

“Ness,” I repeated. This time she slowly opened her eyes and looked into mine. As soon as she did, she looked away again but not fast enough that I couldn’t see her eyes filling up with tears once more. One of them slid down her cheek and my thumb wiped it away before it went further than the apple of her cheek.

“Just take me home, Jake,” I blinked once, twice and a third time for good measure. “Please,” she murmured.

“No,” the word resonated inside the car, leaving both of us surprised. A flash of the emotion passed through Nessie’s face, because I was saying no to her. And I really meant it. “No,” I repeated, as if to assure both of us that the word we heard was actually the word that I said, even though the both of us heard it perfectly the first time.

“Jake, please. I really want to go home,” she insisted, brushing off the shock of my response.

“Baby, I’m not taking you home until you tell me what’s wrong,” my tone was conciliating, but the shift in her was immediate. There was a moment of silence in which she looked at my face, looking for something.

“Alright,” she said and nodded to herself.

I wouldn’t know if that meant she found what she was looking for or not, because she raised her hands to mine, and removed them from her face. The next moment, she was gathering her stuff and getting out of the car. I stayed where I was for a fraction of a second and then got out of the car, too.

“Ness! What are you doing?” I asked stupidly as I went around the car to her side. She was already walking towards the path leading to the mansion.

“What do you think I’m doing? I’m taking myself home, since you obviously you won’t,” she didn’t say it maliciously or brat – sounding, but there was a tinge is sarcasm in them.

“Come on, Ness, don’t be like that,” she kept walking. “You can’t really expect me to pretend that the last few minutes didn’t happen. Hell, I don’t even know what the last few minutes were about!”

She twirled around and faced me. “And you can’t really expect me to just stay here after… after you blackmailed me like that!”

“I– what? What are you even talking about? Blackmailed you?” Blackmail her? With what? A look of what I could only recognize as regret crossed her face.

“Look, I didn’t mean that. I just… I want to go home. And I’d prefer to do it alone right now.”

And with that she turned around and ran away.


	4. Chapter 03

_Previously…_

_She [Renesmee] twirled around and faced me [Jacob]. “And you can’t really expect me to just stay here after…after you blackmailed me like that!”_

_“I– what? What are you even talking about? Blackmailed you?” Blackmail her? With what? A look of what I could only recognize as regret crossed her face._

_“Look, I didn’t mean that. I just… I want to go home. And I’d prefer it to do it alone right now.”_

_And with that she turned around and walked away._

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**Renesmee**

I fucked up.

I royally fucked up.

What in the seven circles of hell was I thinking?

Seriously, Renesmee?

But let’s get back a bit, so you can understand my self-deprecating bashing.

I’m in love with my best friend and I don’t know how he feels about it. That statement is easy enough to understand, true? Well, here’s where things get a little… complicated.

You see, Jacob Black is a werewolf. But the real issue, isn’t him, it’s me. Cliché, right?

I’m what you might call a duck-billed platypus. Not really, but that’s the best analogy I could come up with. What I really am, is half human – half vampire.

People close to me, the people who love me and know the truth about what I am, say that’s nothing to be ashamed of, that what I am makes me unique and wonderful – not really, either, but I’ll get to that.

Want to know what I think? I think that’s a load of crap that your family and loved ones are bound to say to make you feel better.

Do they really believe it to be true? Maybe. Probably.

Do I? The answer would be: Most definitely not.

Why not, you may be wondering?

Well, to start with a simple enough reason, I’m one of the few of my kind. There are other four people like me in the whole freaking world. And if that doesn’t spell weirdness loud enough, I don’t know what will.

I know some people say weird is cool and more interesting, but newsflash fellows, I’m not one of those people. I prefer my life to be normal – even though I’ve never really experienced what normal is – I’d like to not have to lie to my friends about half of my life, to be able to grow old like any other living thing on earth… or at the very least, grow at a normal rate.

I really would like for my life to be ordinary.

Don’t get me wrong, the fact that I’d like some aspects of my life to change, doesn’t mean I hate it.

In fact, I’ve been blessed with a wonderful family that loves me and accepts me for who I am. I have friends; some of whom – for safety measures – can’t know the truth about me but despite that are always there when I need them. I’ve seen things and places that most people wouldn’t even dream of.

I am one lucky bitch.

But, Jesus Fucking Christ, would it have killed whoever created me making me a little less odd?

And if that makes me ungrateful, dissatisfied, unfulfilled or whatever you want to call it, well… who at some point in their life isn’t one of those things?

Yet, I have reasons that make it all worthwhile. My family, like I said before, is one of them. My friends are another one, and that brings us back to the beginning…

Jacob Black. My best friend. The person I’m in love with and don’t know how he feels.

If you ask me to specify the precise moment when I fell for him, I wouldn’t know how to pinpoint it. One minute he’s my favorite playmate, then my best friend and the next I’m noticing things friends shouldn’t notice in their friends and then… boom! Hearty eyes for me.

It was exactly as one of my favorite authors said “I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly and then all at once.”

What I do know, is that this feeling is unlike any other I’ve ever experienced before. It’s like feeling emptiness in your chest but at the same time fullness, as if a blast of air was overflowing you to the brim, and your lungs and heart wanted to explode out of your body but were unable to, so they settle for rattling inside of you until you were a quivering mess.

If you can imagine that multiplied by infinity, that’s about a thousandth of what I’m exposed to each time I see Jacob Black these days.

Now, if you’ve been paying attention, you might be wondering why did I fuck up?

Well, it all started an afternoon at school when Justin Johnson, one of my friends, came barreling to the cafeteria table where I was sitting along with Paula Brooks and Kristine Scott, both friends of mine as well.

"Please tell me Mr. Hunky is going," Justin spoke as he placed his tray on the table and sat in front of us. I looked up at him confused and then looked at Conner Smithson questioningly who rolled his brown eyes as he sat next to Justin.

"My parents are going away for the weekend, and Justin convinced me to throw a party" Conner rolled his eyes again.

"Of course, I did! If Mommy and Daddy dearest are going to get it on, why shouldn't we?" Justin winked, "And that, is my Mr. Hunky needs to come… maybe in more ways than one."

"Justin!" Paula admonished. With her platinum blond hair, and flawless pale skin, she could almost past by one of my kind, if not for the green in her eyes and the pink coloring her skin as she heard Justin's innuendo.

Justin's statement was directed at me, I knew. And we all knew perfectly who "Mr. Hunky" was. He had this tremendous crush on Jacob since the first time he saw him. It didn’t matter that Justin knew Jake was undeniably straight. According to Justin, everyone had some gay if they were in the right hands. And he desperately wanted his hands to be the ones to make Jake gay.

I usually laughed at his jokes, but today for some reason my reaction to his comment was to stay quiet.

“Of course he’s going,” Kristine said, “That man’s like a puppy following his tail when it comes to Sissi,” she rolled her eyes.

Kristine had taken up on calling me Sissi, since the first day I met her and Paula when I told them my name and encouraged them to call me Nessie if they liked. Instead Kristine had admired my long hair and had given me a nickname from my nickname, and said it was in honor or the Empress of Austria since I had a regal look about me. I had laughed it off and allowed her to call me however she felt more comfortable, I hadn't been in touch with a lot of humans at the time, and I remember being very anxious even though I was confident it did not show. Now though, I had come to warm up to the endearment, it kind of made me feel like I belonged.

My dear Kristine was also an adamant believer that Jacob was in love with me. And trust me, since some time ago, I wished she were true. But I knew what my reality was.

“That’s not true, Kris, we’ve know each other since forever,” I defended, if you can call the almost six years I’ve been alive forever, I thought bitterly.

“You know how rarely I agree with Kris, but she’s right on this one,” Paula added.

There was a beat of silence in which both Conner and Justin stopped mid-bite. Paula and Kristine were known to disagree a lot. Where Paula had an air of sweetness and innocence, Kristine's air was that of mischief and naughtiness.

“I can die a happy man now,” Conner threw his hand in the air, “I never thought this day would arrive. They agreed on something!” he joked.

“Oh, Shut up!”

“Stop talking!”

“Shut your mouth!” came the different answers from us girls, to which Conner just laughed as did Justin.

It was Justin turn to intervene, and he brought us back to the subject, “You know, as much as I’d like to have all those juicy muscles to myself, and believe me, I do. I really, really do," his tone conveyed that he really did, "I also have to agree to what these two lovely ladies are saying," he continued, "Mr. Hunky is so into you that not even a crowbar would separate you. You have to be blind not to see it, my dear Renesmee,” Justin insisted.

I sighed, what would I give for what they were saying to be true. But what they saw was probably the closeness Jake and I had, “Many times people confuse friendship with being in love, Jake and I are just like, really close friends, nothing else.”

“Ah, sweet denial…” Justin sighed, “Honey, let me tell you something,” he leaned into the table.

“Here we go,” said Conner, as someone who knew exactly what was going to happen.

“Hush,” Kristine ordered, leaning in as well as if what Justin was about to say were words of great wisdom.

“I may not know what the difference between college and university is and sometimes I may confuse what a lawyer and an attorney is. But one thing I have clear as the difference between a circumcised and an uncircumcised cock – “

“Jesus…” Conner exclaimed.

"Justin!" Paula admonished again, scandalized.

“ – Is that what Mr. Hunky Muscles and you have is not a simple friendship, mark my words,” Justin finished, proud of himself.

At this point, all of us except, Conner were laughing, even Paula was laughing through her embarrassment. I was laughing too; you've got admit it was funny. Internally I was thinking about what Justin had just said.

“You know that I love you man, but there are things a guy doesn’t need to know about what his bi friend knows about cock. So this humble server is going to retire, I have to speak with Ms. Auger about my French assignment anyway,” and with that, Conner left.

Kristine watched him go, her eyes lingering a bit too long, and then turned back to us. “What Mr. Wise in here is saying is true and you know it.”

“I thought we were talking about Conner’s party,” I muttered, longing to go back to the original subject.

“And we are, I think this is the perfect opportunity to take a chance,” added Paula.

“She’s right, just ask him to go with you. You guys have gone to other parties together, why not this one?” asked Kris, to what Paula nodded.

The fact that Paula, the epitome of angelical behavior, was agreeing to this struck a cord in me. Maybe they were right.

“Yeah, and ask him to bring booze,” Justin chime in.

I ignored him, and turned to the girls. “Okay, you two agreeing so much is creeping me out. And besides, look who’s talking about taking a chance, why don’t you take your own advice, Kris?” I regretted it as soon as I said it.

“Ouch, that hurt,” Paula mumbled. Justin closed his eyes and shook his head.

Yeah, it was low of me to say that knowing Kristine’s situation. It was no secret from anyone currently sitting on the table that Kristine had been pining over Conner since forever but she has never had the courage to front. When she finally made up her mind to let Conner know somehow, it was too late: He arrived to a party with his new girlfriend, Diana. As you can imagine Kris was devastated, it was a rough couple of months.

But then, Conner discovered that the stupid bleached bitch had been cheating on him for God knew how long or with how many. Then it had been Conner’s turn to be devastated; he had really cared about her, apparently. And that’s the reason why Kris hadn’t made any moves towards Conner, she wasn’t sure he was over The Bitch – as we referred to her – even though that happened over five months ago.

That's the reason why what I just said, was a very low blow on my part. And not that it was an excusable reason, but I really didn’t want to keep talking about Jake and me, if such a thing ever existed.

I sighed. “I know and I’m sorry, Kris. But I would really prefer to change the subject.”

She nodded silently. And I knew I had hit a cord. I would really have to make it up to her later.

“Whatever you want, but changing the subject doesn’t change the reality,” replied Justin.

Just then lunch was over. We returned to our classes as usual, Paula and I going off to PE where we would meet with Conner. As we walked to the gym, we talked as if nothing had happened, but I wasn’t so into the conversation as I’d normally be, what we had just talked was running over and over again in my mind like a broken record.

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The last two periods of the day went slower than ever. Mr. Peterson had us practicing volleyball on P.E. and for the first time, I found myself having to actually focus solely on the game. It wasn’t that I boasted about my physical abilities – the opposite was actually true – but it seemed easier to say I was a natural at sports than saying that me being a supernatural hybrid had something to do with it. So you can say it was kind of a shock for me when I missed the ball not once or twice but repeatedly.

And for the last period, A.P. English, I decided to just give up; I’d ask Justin for his notes later. Thanks God Mr. Davis didn’t notice or asked me anything, I would have surely embarrassed myself, since I was really not in the mood to pay attention even distantly.

Of course, I could not say the same for Justin since opposite to Mr. Davis, he did notice my behavior, and as we exited the classroom he threw his arm over my shoulder.

“So, tell me, pretty one… Where were you?” he asked.

“What do you mean?” I blinked, coming down to earth.

“I’m asking you where you were. Because you definitely weren’t back there in the classroom,” he pronounced each word slowly as if I was mentally inept.

“Oh. Well, you know… thinking,” I blushed.

Yup. Way to go, Renesmee. Thank God it was only Justin.

“Oh, sweet Nessie malssy,” he laughed.

“Shut up,” I backhanded him, making him wince a bit. Oops, maybe it was harder that I intended.

By this point we were already at the exit. So he stopped us both, turned me to look at him and grabbed me by the shoulders.

He wasn’t laughing anymore.

There is one thing that you must understand about Justin. Yes, he can be hilarious, but when he gets serious, it's because he means business.

The moment I first met Justin back when I joined school, he came out as funny and very outgoing, always quipping something amusing and usually with a sexual innuendo. He actually seemed to exude sexual confidence and he did not have any gender limitations, which was evident, specially whenever there was a party, he always seemed to have a new person under his arms be it woman or man, and sometimes both at the same time, they would usually disappear upstairs and wouldn't be known of until the next day.

It wasn't until he got wickedly drunk in party, that I realized that there was something behind his behavior.

At the time I only knew that his parents were very wealthy and they traveled a lot, leaving him behind with the supervision of his butler, and despite being strange, especially for a small town like Forks, I never made much out of it.

That night, Justin had been uncharacteristically alone during the party, only accompanied by a bottle at the edge of the pool. He had been in no condition to get himself home, so Jake and I drove him there, and on our way there he broke down and told us that he actually used to have an older brother who had died tragically and that night was the anniversary of his death. Jake and I had ended up staying in Justin's house that night, and he had opened up after sobering a bit.

Justin told us that after the accident, his parents were not the same and that was when they started pushing him away, until it reached moment in which it was as it he had never been in their lives, making Justin not only loose his brother, but his parents. Justin believed it was because he was the living reminder of his brother, and after seeing pictures of him, there was not denying the uncanny resemblance, yet one would think that the loss of a child would make parents appreciate more the remaining ones.

Sadly, that was not the case for Justin. The day his brother died, he lost his family and part of himself as well.

That was the point when I understood why he always acted so detached with his partners, only relishing in the physical contact instead of in the emotional one. I saw the reason why he communicated mainly by making funny remarks, and why he seldom established connection with someone.

He was trying to cope with the rejection and abandonment he was going through, and by acting aloof he was potentially avoiding future similar scenarios. His defense mechanisms were very much ingrained in him, and it pained me to see it now that I had a better understanding of the whole situation.

My friends were the few people that had been able to somehow break through his walls, which was probably because they were friends before it all happened. And after I joined the group, he had warmed up to me as well and even to Jake by extension, which gave me hope that it was not all lost for him. He was still able of forming new emotional bonds.

After that night we have never brought up the subject and I had never made the suggestion for him to talk to someone professionally, but I desperately wanted to find a way to help him. I didn't know how much of his story the rest of the guys knew, but they must have known some since the accident happened after they were already friends. For the moment, the most that I could do for my friend was somehow let him know that we were here for him.

So you can imagine my surprise when he spoke very seriously.

“Listen carefully because I’m only going to say this once, ‘kay?” He said softly, I nodded my head, “I know you like him a lot” he didn’t need to specify who him was.

Something in my chest clenched. It was the first time someone had said it out loud and my heart just wanted to fly away to where Jake was.

“I sincerely believe what we were telling you before, but it is you who has to find out whether he feels the same or not. If he doesn’t… well, we are all there for you and there’re are always more fishes in the water right?” He made it sound so easy. “But can you imagine how it’d be if he really feels the same way?”

In that moment I could see it.

And it was perfect.

Justin smiled softly, as if he knew exactly what was going through my mind, “You cannot spend your life not knowing, sweetheart. You never know why might happen tomorrow, you may not have a chance to tell him. You gotta risk it.”

The only thing I could think of doing in that moment was hug him. And trust me, I had to remind myself that my friend was human and had a very breakable human skeleton, because what I really wanted to do was squeeze Justin with all my strength.

“Thank you,” I whispered when he hugged me back.

“You’re very much welcome, sweet cheeks,” he placed a kiss on the top of my forehead and it reminded me of how in need of real affectionate contact he must be in all the time.

“Love you, okay? Remember that,” I said, breaking our embrace.

“I always do. Now go, your man’s waiting for you,” he commanded, effectively breaking the moment.

I kissed him on the cheek and we parted ways, Justin to his car and me off to where My Jake was waiting for me.

And that’s when things turned upside down.


	5. Chapter 04

_ Previously… _

_ “Thank you,” I whispered when he hugged me back. _

_ “You’re very much welcome, sweet cheeks,” he placed a kiss on the top of my forehead and it reminded me of how in need of real affectionate contact he must be in all the time. _

_ “Love you, okay? Remember that,” I said, breaking our embrace. _

_ “I always do. Now go, your man’s waiting for you,” he commanded, effectively breaking the moment. _

_ I kissed him on the cheek and we parted ways, Justin to his car and me off to where My Jake was waiting for me. _

_ And that’s when things turned upside down. _

* * *

** Renesmee **

There are so many ways in which I could describe Jacob Black.

I could tell you about his carefree personality; go into detail about the different habits he has and make an endless list about the things he likes or dislikes. I could also tell you about his protective nature, or his somewhat rebellious streak. Or maybe you would like for me to describe his appearance, describe the way he looks when he bends into the hood of a car to fix it, or how his eyes shine when the sun is reflected on them, or his smile… well I could spend all day telling you about it, it would be an easy fit for me.

Nonetheless, the way I’m about to describe him is pretty much the most frivolous thing I’ve thought about Jacob Black. But seriously, if you were ever faced with the view of a six feet seven inches, gold skinned, dark haired of a god, I would dare you not to react the same way.

As soon as I finished speaking with Justin, I saw Jake on the parking lot, and let me tell you, it was hell of a view.

Jake in all his glory, leaning against his 67 black Camaro that he had rebuilt himself, hands in his pockets, making the muscles in his arms bulge out, his face looking up to the rare clear sky.

Despite being cold, it was one of the unusual sunny days in Forks.

Hmmm… maybe a trip to First Beach is overdue. We had to take advantage of these rare days. They were a rare gift around here.

Yeah, and the sight of shirtless Jake was also a gift.

I shook my head to clear my thoughts. As I walked towards where Jake was leaning against his car, I noticed the look in his face. He seemed distracted, like he was miles away. This had been happening more and more lately, he got so into his head that he became unaware of his surroundings and that way he looked in those moments never failed to amuse me.

“What are you laughing at? What’s so funny?” was the first thing Jake said as I approached him.

I should have known a smile would appear on my face as soon as I saw him.

“You are, silly,” I smiled reaching out to wrap my arms around his neck and give him a peck on the cheek.

His hands went to my waist and he held me to him. I sighed happily, it was the first moment since my day begun that I felt complete. Having him close, smelling him, feeling him, simply knowing that he was here with me…

And then he held me off. It was as if my bubble had been busted out.

I softly caressed the side of his neck, leaving the hand there and sending out the vision of him just minutes ago in the parking lot. Of course, I omitted the way I was objectifying him as if he were a piece of meat.

One simply does not objectify friends unless it is to their own face.

Ever since I could remember I had the ability to communicate in a different way. I was able to transmit and image, or my thoughts and emotions when I made contact with another person's skin. For a while I actually preferred it to actual speech. They do say that a picture is worth a thousand words, after all. At first I had trained a lot to be able to control it and project the images. And up to date I still sometime slipped if I found myself under a lot of pressure or feeling something very strongly. It also depended on the person I was using my power on.

Of course, I’ve used my ability so often on Jake – it was a way for us to communicate silently – that it came naturally to do it now, almost as if I were speaking out loud.

“Well I’m glad I amuse you,” he muttered.

“Oh, don’t be so sour. You just looked, I don’t know… spellbound, distracted,” I frowned, “A look I’ve seen in you very much lately.”

“Huh…”

I blinked, waiting for a more elaborate response.

One that wouldn’t come, I realized, when all he did was kiss me on the temple and open the car door for me to get in. I waited a few more seconds, still blinking and then got into the car.

He obviously didn’t want to talk about it.

Whatever it might be.

Fine.

He’d come to me when he was ready if he needed to do so. In the meantime, there was a more pressing matter at hand.

“So, Conner’s parents are going to Seattle soon,” Great. I sounded as nervous as I felt.

“Are they, now?” Jake asked casually.

“Yeah, they’re going to a concert or the theater, I don’t know, something like that,” I tried to make my voice sound as casual as his.

“Well, good for them. Keeping the flame alive and all that,” I rolled my eyes at that.

“Dumbass,” I muttered, which earned me a smirk I could see from the corner of my eye, “Anyway, obviously Conner is going to take advantage of it and is throwing a party,” I took a deep breath… “Come with me?”

He frowned for a moment and then cleared his throat.

“Go where?” he asked.

“To the party, dummy,” I rolled my eyes once again.

“Sure, what do I gotta do?”

__

_ Just notice me in a different way… _

Sigh.

“Ness?” he prompted.

“What? Oh, right. Nothing. You don’t have to do nothing, I’m just asking you to come with me,” He just looked at me, “What?” then it was the damn cocked eyebrow, “Okay, fine. You are in liquor duty,” I let out an exasperated sigh.

“And there you have it,” he let out a laugh.

“Oh, shut up. Besides it was Justin who put you up to it,” I punched him in the arm, which just earned me another laugh. If there was one thing about being with Jacob, was that I didn’t need to restrict myself with my natural instincts which was liberating after being most of the day at school.

He grabbed the hand that had just punch him and brought it to his lip to kiss it. Of course, this caused a flood of warmth to curse through my whole body which was promptly extinguished with Jake’s next words.

“Fine, but if Charlie gets called in, is your duty to mellow him. And you better be good at it.”

Yeah, that would be awkward for Jake to handle.

“Please, Charlie would be on the palm of my hand,” I was his only granddaughter after all, plus it wasn't as if it was going to be a wild party or anything, so my grandpa would not have to be called in at all.

Jake shook his head, still smiling and continued driving. I didn’t let go of his hand.

All the while, the conversation I had with my friends went through my mind, and I tried to gather the courage to tell him… to tell him what? What was exactly that I wanted to tell him?

That I liked him? It seemed so superficial and immature to describe what I felt towards him as simply liking him. But if I didn’t like him, what did I feel then?

Did I love him?

The answer to that one came easily. Of course I did. He’s been part of my life since before I was even born. He was my best friend. He was family. He was, without a doubt, the one person I could not live without. I knew that if something ever happened to a someone in my family I would be devastated, not that it was very probable. But to imagine something happening to Jake was as having an essential part of me ripped away. As if suddenly you took a fish out of the water and left it to die on the earth.

I was the fish and Jake was the water.

I…

…Holy shit, I was in love with Jacob Black.

Oh, fuck. This was bad.

Why the fuck did I have to fucking realize that I am fucking in love with Jacob Fucking Black while I’m locked in a fucking car with him?

__

_ Okay calm down, take deep breaths. _

I breathed in.

__

_ No so deep, he’s going to notice. _

Enclosed space. Right.

I needed to know what he felt, I really did, but I could not do this. Not now.

Besides, what were the chances that he actually felt the same? He probably just saw me as… what? As a friend, probably? As a niece, maybe? Jake and mom used to be awfully close, still are. OMG, I’m gonna throw up…

Not to mention that, despite me looking and acting and feeling as if I were older, I was six years old after all.

Well, five and a half, actually…

Right. And saying that was surely going to help me convince people of my maturity.

No. I couldn’t do it. I could not take the…

__

_ “You cannot spend your life not knowing, sweetheart. You never know why might happen tomorrow, you may not have a chance to tell him. You gotta risk it.” _ Unbidden, Justin’s words came to my mind. The encouragement I needed to at least try it.

Here goes nothing.

“Jake,” I said softly.

Good Lord, was that my voice? I could feel my heart racing, its pace even faster than usual. I looked at our hands, they were intertwined on top of my lap and I kept playing with his hand, just to calm my nerves a bit.

“Yeah?” There was caution in his voice, the previous causality on his tone lost.

He knew something was up. It was always like this for us, we could most of the time sense what the other felt, until certain degree, of course. I have no idea why this happened. Maybe it was the fact we knew each other so well, that we noticed even the smallest of changes in the other’s demeanor and this alerted us of the other person’s probable feeling at the moment. It was a connection that I could not deny or fully understand.

I took a deep breath.

“Are you – I mean do you ever –?” what was I going to ask him? Are you in love with me? Do you ever think of me as something else than a child who is your friend?

Of course that was without taking into consideration that we were practically from different species. Yeah, we both had something human; he was just a more advanced part of evolution, but me? I was a freak, not one thing or the other; I was something that wasn’t even supposed to exist.

How could I pretend that someone like Jake loved someone like me in a more-than-friends way?

“Ness?” by the time I heard his voice, I realized tears were leaving my eyes and I had covered them with my hands. “Nessie?”

I felt the car move quickly, then stop altogether. And then I was enveloped in Jake’s arms.

It reminded me of the few times I’ve cried for something, how only when Jake had held me in his arms had I been able to calm down. There was just something about being in his embrace that made me feel safe and calm.

“Nessie?” I couldn’t answer, “Ness, what is it, baby? Come on, talk to me,” the worry in his voice was so evident, something was happening to me and he couldn’t do anything about it, just hold me and hope that I would calm.

He cared so much. He was so loyal and protective. There was nothing tying him to our family, he could do whatever he wanted, go wherever he chose and still… he chose to stay here, not only with his family, but with mine, too.

Why? It couldn’t be just the friendship he and mom had, or the one that existed between us. I knew the last was something big, at least it was for me, but that couldn’t just be it…

I felt his hands tracing soothing patters on my back and through my hair, and slowly, my sobs became sniffs and my tears slowed a bit. My body relaxed somewhat in his arms, as if he was a soothing balm. Nonetheless, my hands still clutched at the t-shirt on his back, refusing to let go.

His hands lifted my face and his thumbs brushed away my tears. We stayed like that for a few moments, me with my eyes closed and him softly caressing my cheeks with his fingers.

What wouldn’t I give for this moment to mean so much more than just him consoling me. What wouldn’t I give for me to open my eyes and see the reflection of my feelings on Jake's eyes, too.

“Ness,” Jake murmured.

“I’m okay. I just – I’m okay,” I knew my voice was only a whisper, but that was fine. Jake would have heard me all the same, even if we hadn’t been as close as we were in that instant.

“Ness,” Jake said once again, his voice a bit insistent and I knew what he wanted. I opened my eyes slowly, but had to look away quickly, fearing that I wouldn’t see what I wanted to see in Jake’s eyes.

It was a cowardly move, I know. But I just couldn’t face it right now.

I realized a tear had escaped my eyes when I felt, once again, Jake’s thumb brushing my cheek. It seemed that was all he had done for the last… how much time had passed?

“Just take me home, Jake,” I think that would be the best for the both of us right now.

“No,” he muttered. I just blinked. There was a moment of silence, in which we stared at each other. “No,” Jake repeated, as if to make sure that was actually what he had said.

“Jake, please. I really want to go home,” I insisted, trying to brush away the shock that he had really said no…

“Baby, I’m not taking you home until you tell me what’s wrong,” I stared at him for a long moment. He really wasn’t going to do it.

And I understood why. I had just freaked out on him and had giving him no explanation as to why after all. His worry could be heard in his voice, and that made what I was about to do even more difficult. But there was no way in hell I was going to tell Jake what was wrong.

Not at the moment at least.

“Alright,” without saying anything else, I gathered my stuff and then got out of the car and started walking.

I was a few steps away when I heard the sound of the car door opening and heavy footsteps on the gravel.

“Ness! What are you doing?” Jake exclaimed.

“What do you think I’m doing? I’m taking myself home, since you obviously won’t,” I said levelly.

“Come on, Ness, don’t be like that,” I didn’t stop. “You can’t really expect me to pretend that the last few minutes didn’t happen. Hell, I don’t even know what the last few minutes were about!”

I turned around and faced him. “And you can’t really expect me to just stay here after –” after I almost screw everything, was on the tip of my tongue “ – after you blackmailed me like that!” that was what came out of my mouth instead.

A wave of regret washed over me as soon as I said it. Even before Jake spoke again.

“I – what? What are you even talking about? Blackmailed you?” The hurt in his voice was evident and knife of regret was twisted a bit more in my gut.

“Look, I didn’t mean that. I just… I want to go home. And I’d prefer to do it alone right now.”

Yeah, it’s better like that. Not be it that another nasty thing comes out of your mouth…

And with that, I turned away and ran home.


End file.
